Am I happy?

Finally, I'm talking about my job in ACRES. I didn't get the chance to talk in depth with anyone, until tonight, again, it's always you whom I engage in discussion about real problems with.

Almost everyone has objections about my job, especially my family who criticises it. If I have settled for a producer position in a production house, they would have been much happier. They might have felt ashamed about my current job; low pay, irregular working hours, night duties, dealing with animals. I know, even though you guys don't criticise my job, you won't encourage and think it's the right job for me. Sadly, I get influenced easily. I even thought I should be working comfortably in a production house; twice the pay, less laborious, more regular hours. And then I tell myself that this is a stepping stone to do what I really want ultimately, PETA, campaigns.

Then I get to know some colleagues who are passionate in what they are doing and are people whom I made good friends with. Particularly, this uncle, who is a businessman who had made a fortune running a business in China but decides to stop for a while to take a breather. He has the expertise and experience in managing a company, he came to ACRES and did things that were rather unbelievable to me. With his own hands, he cleared the drains which had been clogged up, sawed branches that were obstructing paths, improved pump filtration system of tanks etc etc, and he takes in the same pay as us. It has been a year, and he has been taking initiatives to implement changes that benefit the company.

He told me, it doesn't matter how long you have been here, probably 6 months, probably 2 years. Given 6 months, if you have left a legacy in the company, it outlasts the 2 years of work with no fulfilment. What he has said really motivates me, and he hopes that I can find meaning from my job. And fortunately, I was given opportunities to do it. To me, my pay now isn't the issue, but whether I can contribute to the company in a way or another.

I thought to myself, if I have accepted the sales job in WWF, raise funds to save endangered animals, work hard and get my promotions, will I be happier? I will be working hard for the money that goes into my pocket, and become money-driven. I don't feel comfortable about the thought of it. On the other hand, I'm currently in talks with my senior, who is with a production house (the one which I almost went for the interview from his recommendation), on a collaboration with them to push a project on tv. If this succeeds, the profits will the be 50:50, not sure how much that will be, but it will be a significant amount of money raised for our company. I feel happier doing this.

At the end of the day, it really is what I ultimately believe in, be focused and do it. And I got to be firm on the purpose for choosing this path and be confident of the prospects of my job, if not how do I convince my family and friends to accept what I'm doing?

Reminder to myself. It's not about having a beautiful teacup, but to have a fragrant tea in my teacup.

Ho'oponopono - Heal ourselves before healing others

Finally ending...

Finally get to finish the stuff to be submitted to sponsor tmr and collect our 2k! Some nice looking ones... 

my favourite! the pretty rainbow stone!

Ho'oponopono - Heal ourselves before healing others

喜歡拆穿自己。

［獨處的時候，像跌進了深淵。
獨處的時候，心容易悄悄破碎。
獨處的時候，像拆穿全世界的謊言。］

每個人心中都藏有一些祕密，不願被猜透。
每個人心中有最脆弱的一面，不願被拆穿。
每個人心中也有最敏感的部份，往往赤裸裸地被挖出來。

一天，一整年甚至一輩子的惆悵在這一夜被縮得短短的，情感則加倍地重。

玩笑開大了卻沒有想到後果。
多少人因為自己所謂的玩笑，抱著碎裂的心，強顏歡笑繼續走著？

玩笑落在自己頭上才懂得痛。
多少人能看到你的痛，你的脆弱，你的敏感？

我們討厭的東西看得一清二楚，卻努力遮掩醜陋的自己。
為甚麼人要活得那麼敷淺，那麼自私，只想要感受到自己想感受到的東西。
為甚麼人不能潛入他人的思維里，感受他，瞭解他，給予他渴望的愛。
為甚麼一切的一切一直浮現在自己的腦海里，當下卻做不到。

我不想投降，我會抱著這顆受傷的心繼續走，走到一個光明的地方。
誰願意陪我，讓我不感到孤單。真心感謝你。

Ho'oponopono - Heal ourselves before healing others

很美，很美，很美。

<无与伦比的美丽>是我写给张悬的歌，写的是我跟她的故事。

歌词引用了很多我跟她一来一往的简讯内容。

她在我站上了海洋音乐祭的大舞台前告诉我，她的夏天过的很糟，希望我能够为她过一个很棒的夏天。　
我在写这首歌的时候，想到了我们开始建立深厚感情的那年夏天。

那时候我们还没有很熟，可是在往来的简讯中，她知道我很不好，竟然马上从士林赶来信义路找我，那时候我趁著酒意和悲伤，在大街上狂奔哭泣，就像自己是一个逃兵，想要逃离一切悲伤，只有她在后面紧紧追著我，为我挡去很多不必要的人。

那年夏天，和那个晚上对我来说很重要，我永远不会忘记她跟我在街上奔跑，喘息和哭泣的模样。从那之后，夏天就变成了我们的密语，只有我们知道代表著什麼意义。

　
她对我而言像是一片草原，在她的陪伴和情感之上，才能舒服的被包容和安躺。

我们都想为对方发光，为对方飞翔，即使不能像风筝般飞翔，我们也有彼此，不用苦苦追赶。

这首歌是一首陪伴，希望的歌，不是悲伤的，虽然我用悲伤的方法去诠释，但会这样诠释的原因是，我是被她安慰的一方，我是悲伤的，但是我知道有她在我可以尽情的悲伤，不用遮掩，有时候可以不遮掩哀伤反而是最幸福以及快乐的事，也不用怕自己落入更深沈的哀伤中，因为温暖的光芒照在我身上，而草原的柔软在我膝下。　
我很开心阿龚把我在demo中编的钢琴和弦乐完整记录表现了出来，又加上了更多美好的旋律，我是用很幸福的表情在唱这首歌的，因为录音的时候，这首歌的主人就在旁边陪著我。

Ho'oponopono - Heal ourselves before healing others

Proudly presents...

Final assignment for Digital Darkroom mod.

Project Revive.

to recreate events and activities of the past with a modern interpretation.

Ying Fo Fui Guan (应和会馆)

Chin Mee Chin Confectionery (珍美真茶室） 

Lim Chu Kang Jetty (林厝港码头）

Queenstown Cinema (皇宫戏院）

Geok Hong Tian Temple (玉皇殿)

Kampong Buangkok (罗弄万国村)

Feedbacks

Before presentation when I were printing my pictures...

Student A: (Walks over and saw me printing the photos) Is he your dad?
Me: Yap
Student A: He looks like Tony Leung!
Me: (Surprised) Is it?
Student A: (Points to the other photos) Really, you see this...
Me: Only heard people say he looks like Takeshi Kaneshiro... From my mum's friend... (Laughs)

Student B: Wah, you went to Kampong?!

During presentation..

Me: .... my dad enjoyed the process...
Student B: (Cuts in) Can tell he is enjoying!
Me: (Laughs)

Student B: Your dad is a good actor!

Me: My dad will be glad to hear that!

Teacher: (She points at the confectionary and cinema) They are the better ones, I like the quirkiness. You are a good director, you have good actors. composition and narrative are great, everything is good but colour... (She disliked my style of editing, the above were re-edited)

After presentation...

Student B: Can I get your dad to act in my next film?
Me: Serious ar? (Laughs)

Ho'oponopono - Heal ourselves before healing others

My successful HDR photos~~~

HDR- High Dynamic Range

Most of the details (shadows and highlights) are retained in the pic~

Pretty~ ;)

Ho'oponopono - Heal ourselves before healing others

Guardian.

Known him since year 1, foundation year. Didn't know him too well, but thought he was quite a nice guy when the first call he made to me was to warn me to come to class to show my work to prof before he penalized my grades.

In year 2, we both got into film major, he was like a shifu, teaching me what Im interested to know about camera and lights. I managed to work at equipment store from his recommendation. From then, he gave me plenty of opportunities to crew for him.

In year 3, despite being under him for quite some time, I was still learning very slowly and not serious in improving myself, always taking things lightly. He started to get strict with me, or mean or sarcastic. He always scolds me when I screw things up but according to a friend, he once advised others not to scold me, finding excuses such as I'm already very stressful to handle so much things. A friend described our relationship as love-hate relationship.

I was very nervous on a breakthrough project as a director of photography. He then appeared, stretched out his hand and gave me a very sincere handshake, telling me good luck.

In year 4, he continues to be blunt with his words, especially so to me. When a concerned friend told tale to him about me putting producing as my first choice (a role which I've never taken up before) and director of photography as my second and advised him to talk to me, he texted me to ask if I've considered properly. Because of these kind concerns I received from my friends, I changed my choices.

He started to see the the effort i put in for FYP and also according to a friend, told the others that I'm slow but willing to learn.

At my classmate's shoot in Penang, there was one night out when a big black dog suddenly charged out towards my direction. He was beside me when I gasped. Almost immediately, he pulled me away towards him. He is someone who is afraid of most animals, even a cat, but when the dog charged out, instead of shunning, his instinct was to pull me away. I was really touched.

During my FYP as producer, I cried one night because of the stress from the crew, partly because of him who made some demands about supper. When he knew that I cried, he joked to give me a hug with his arms stretched out. He also took out the sponsored C300 canon video cam which is to shoot his FYP from his car to let me 'play'. I felt like a kid instantly, in front of an elder brother.

During my FYP as director of photography, he had been there for me, to recce locations with my team, to discuss and advise on my lighting plans, to get the crew under us to stay back to black cloth windows, to do midnight shoot and still come on set early next morning despite asking him to take shifts. Even he himself exclaimed why is he doing so much for me. I expressed my gratitude to him that moment and told him I was really touched.

When he got to know from my friends that i cried because my Asst dir got nasty to me, he texted me a msg to me to tell me not to worry and that i have done a good job so far. The nxt morning on set, he told me to stand next to him and said he will shield me if the asst dir tekan me. She really came to rush us and he said a few words to her and she left us alone. After the shoot he told her to reflect on her nastiness to the crew. She came to apologize to me. He had also told her that she should know how my working style is like and she should accommodate to it. I was surprised to hear that he defended me again.

For my pickup shoot, due to some admin issues, we couldn't check out lighting stuff from store which would have cost a bomb if we rent from outside. He was concerned and helped me called up rentals and asked for quotes to meet our team's budget. He also suggested to me that he could help me get some equipment out from store. (He has power in the store and our store supervisor trusts him). It is illegal and he usually won't do that, but he did that for me.

Checking in the equipment wasn't as easy. He wasn't there and supervisor didn't trust me due to bad impression from round 1. I texted him for help, to talk to supervisor. He called, they talked and he once again settled things for me.

Few days back, I thanked him for everything he has done for me and confessed that he is the most blunt but actually the most concerned one.

I thanked God for putting this friend beside me, to see me through these 4 years, someone whom I thought is a mean friend but happens to be my support. Thank God for giving me an elder brother, a guardian.

Ho'oponopono - Heal ourselves before healing others